These are some quotes which often make me laugh
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying'. And if he asks why God is crying another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did'.
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
When you go for a job interview I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned out warehouse. "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland has burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhoea.
Instead of trying to build bigger and more powerful weapons of destruction mankind should be thinking about getting more use out of the weapons we already have.